Me: I knew he was going to sing “Jesus Take the Wheel.”
Tony: Why? Is he into Jesus?
Me: I think he’s a youth pastor. Doesn’t he look like every Christian youth pastor you’ve ever met?
Tony (looks up from computer): Yeah, actually. He’s got that “save-your-soul patch.”

Tony invents new names for facial hair to reduce his pain and suffering while I watch “American Idol.”