For the past several days I’ve been noticing a steep rise in the number of hippies coming to town. At first I thought maybe it was just a coincidence, but then I noticed this. Three new drum circles have sprouted up here, here, and here. They’re all growing in diameter at a rate of two hippies per hour. What this means is that the hippies are conglomerating. They’re binding, if you will. I think that they’re setting up for a … hippie music festival.

It’s simple science. When hippies start to nest in a new area, it draws other hippies in. With the right weather conditions, topography, it can lead to a music festival. One that lasts for days, even weeks. Reggae on the River, Woodstock, Burning Man. They would all pale in comparison to what we’re looking at now. In my professional opinion, I think we’re looking at a full-on hippie jam fest the size of which we’ve never seen.