I like his version of reality.

• Me: Something terrible happened.
• Him: LET ME GUESS.
• Me: Go ahead.
• Him: A box of Girl Scout cookies flew out of the delivery box, tore itself open, and attempted to suffocate you by putting a single cookie in your mouth.
• Me: No. But there's a high probability of that happening this afternoon, unfortunately.
• Him: Then what happened?
• Me: Well. I was hungry, so I decided to have a couple peanuts.
• Him: And now they're all gone.
• Me: I BLACKED OUT, and the next thing I knew, the bag was filled with nothing but EMPTY SHELLS.